Archive for the ‘relatie’ Category
Should I tell my parents about my polyamory? : Post your advice below. The best responses will be published [United Kingdom]
My husband and I are polyamorous; we are both in multiple sexual relationships. My family (apart from my siblings, who are bemused and fascinated) are unaware of our arrangement. Given that it has been a feature of our relationship from the start, and isn’t going to change any time soon, I would like to tell them. My parents are fundamentalist Christians and will not understand. I want to be honest about the way I live and the people that I love, but I know that telling them will be upsetting, and that they may cut off contact for a while, possibly for ever. My mother will also blame herself, despite the fact that my polyamory is as innate as my bisexuality. Should I bite the bullet, or stay quiet for the sake of family harmony? My husband’s family know about our other relationships, as do some of the families of our other loves.
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Marine Le Pen compare le mariage homosexuel à la «polygamie» [avec video] [France]
La présidente du Front national, Marine Le Pen, a exprimé mardi son opposition au mariage homosexuel, estimant qu’on pouvait aussi se demander “pourquoi pas la polygamie!”
Parmi “les règles de notre société”, “le mariage s’effectue entre un homme et une femme”, a déclaré Mme Le Pen sur France Inter.
“Je ne pense pas qu’il soit positif de changer cette règle, parce que si on part de ce principe, on peut aller à la limite très loin dans la modification de notre civilisation”, a-t-elle jugé.
“Pourquoi pas l’autorisation de la polygamie!”, a-t-elle poursuivi. “Il existe des familles polygames, pourquoi est-ce que demain un certain nombre de groupes politico-religieux ne demanderaient pas que la polygamie, sous prétexte d’égalité des droits, soit inscrite dans le code civil français?”, a-t-elle ajouté. “Et bien, c’est une autre civilisation”, a-t-elle estimé.
Male domination in Church “a question of power” [Switzerland]
by Eveline Kobler
The insistence of the Roman Catholic Church that priests have to be male reflects the power of men and not Christian theology, says Swiss theologian Doris Strahm.
Strahm is co-author of a recent study into women in leadership roles in the Jewish, Christian and Islamic faiths.
We may all be equal before God, but the study by the Inter-religious Think-Tank shows that this is not the case in certain religious communities.
The study looks at three branches of Judaism, the Protestant and Roman Catholic churches and the Islamic community in Switzerland. In liberal Jewish communities and in the Protestant church, women can hold leading clerical roles.
swissinfo.ch: The study shows that many women work for the Catholic Church but they are not allowed to serve as priests. Why?
Doris Strahm: The Catholic Church justifies this on the grounds that Jesus only called men as his apostles and on Catholic tradition. But this is an untenable argument, as Jesus was a Jew and he did not found a church. The office of priest only goes back to the fifth century.
Even the papal Bible commission, when it debated this issue in 1976, came to the conclusion that the Bible could not be understood to exempt women from the office of priest.
Until the 1980s the ban on women’s ordination was justified by reference to the sacramental character of the office of priest: the priest in his priestly functions represented Christ, who was a man, and therefore the priest had to be male.
swissinfo.ch: What criteria still apply – apart from gender?
D.S.: There are no other special criteria apart from gender. The priests have the same theological training as women theologians.
The fact that the male sex is so important is, in my view, to do with the patriarchal nature of our culture and in particular of Christian theology, with its male images of God as father, lord, creator, judge and a redeemer who was a man.
The man was seen as the standard form of humankind and as the image of God and there was the idea that woman was subservient to man as a created being – these things helped consolidate the view that men are closer than women to God. The church leaders, who have the last word, seem to see it still in the same way. It’s simply a question of power.
(…)
swissinfo.ch: Do you think there is a chance that the Roman Catholic Church will move in the direction of equality?
D.S.: I don’t see this development coming from above, from the official Church. If anything does change, it will come from below. The local churches need the courage to go in new directions and to break through the centralised structures.
Revolutionary romance: A primer for polyamory [Australia]
We live in a culture that is fanatically invested in monogamy, and does just about everything it can to discourage and punish polyamory. It teaches every one of us from birth that non-monogamy is one of the most horrible things a person can do. For Sadie Ryanne polyamory comes down to the idea that one person can’t, and shouldn’t, be expected to provide for all of our (emotional and sexual) needs. It is also a political identity marking her opposition to compulsory monogamy.
I’ve been thinking about love, and relationships, and what these things mean to me. (This is probably because I’ve become smitten — twitterpated, even! — with a few new people lately, and I’m a bit preoccupied…)
I guess because I’ve been talking a lot about new dates (*cough* like a giddy teenage queen *cough*) and my upcoming wedding, I’ve been having to answer lots of questions about polyamory. Monogamous people just seem to be utterly fascinated (or horrified) by it, and they want to talk to me about it all the time.
One friend recently called me “the most amorous-seeking person” they’ve ever met. I’m a flirty gal, it’s true… But when asked how many relationships I’m in (which happens often), I honestly don’t know how to answer. Three? Five? A dozen?
According to dominant monogamous narratives, “a relationship” is a special kind of dynamic that is easily distinguishable (because it is the only dynamic that is supposed to involve both romance and sex), and it needs to be fiercely defined and defended.
Strict monogamous expectations leave no room for flexibility or fluidity: You are always supposed to be either “not in a relationship” (and thus sexually available) or “in a relationship” (and therefore sexually exclusive).
I find that when most monogamous people try to understand polyamory, they still generalize this basic idea. They understand that I’m not sexually or romantically exclusive, but they still assume that I have multiple “relationships” the way they understand what a relationship is. Thus, when monogamous people ask me “how many relationships are you in?” they expect the answer to be easy.
Well, that just doesn’t apply to my life.
There are people with whom I have extremely deep, loving bonds (even explicit lifetime commitments) that don’t involve sex. On the other end, I might have sex with people for money and not care about them at all.
In the middle, there are people I regularly have sex with and really, deeply enjoy the presence of. I consider them intimate friends, and care about them a lot, but we have very little contact or commitment outside of sex.
And of course, it’s all very flexible: Someone who begins as a sexual partner often ends up as a platonic best friend.
So, how many relationships am I in? Do I count the person who knows me better than almost anyone and who I talk to all the time, whom I used to fuck but don’t anymore? Or what about the lover I fuck but only speak to once a month? Do I count both, or just one — and if just one, which?
Don’t get me wrong… I still spend a lot of time thinking about how to define my relationships. My partners and I spend a lot of energy discussing how to refer to each other, what we want out of our relationship, and so on.
I still get joyously anxious about new crushes when I’m not sure where they will go, I still squeal when someone asks me to be their girlfriend, and I still cry when one of my partners decides that we shouldn’t call each other lovers anymore. It’s not that the labels have no meaning for me.
But instead of assuming that there is only one, monolithic way to define a relationship, I see it much differently: There are just many different dynamics between two or more people (I’m in at least one triad, by the way), and many different words that they might use to describe their relationship to one another.
What poly actually looks like (for me)
Top three questions I receive from monogamous people about polyamory:
Q: Isn’t that cheating?
A: No. Mutually consenting to date or have sex with other people bears no resemblance to lying or breaking promises.
Q: Is that like polygamy?
A: No. Polygamy (meaning “many wives”) is a sexist, patriarchal religious institution in which one man has authority over multiple women. This is nothing at all like polyamory, which is a system in which people of all genders freely negotiate the terms of their relationships with multiple romantic and/or sexual partners.
Q: Don’t you get jealous?
A: No. (Read on if you’re curious…)
The other most common misconception about polyamory is that it just means “having multiple sexual partners.” Close… but, wrong!
Keeping Marriage Alive with Affairs, Asexuality, Polyamory, and Living Apart [United States]
by Bella DePaulo, Ph.D.
In my previous post, I introduced you to the first part of Pamela Haag’s provocative new book, Marriage Confidential: The Post-Romantic Age of Workhorse Wives, Royal Children, Undersexed Spouses, and Rebel Couples Who Are Rewriting the Rules. The 21st century, she argues, is a post-romantic age of melancholy marriages. The couples are not acutely stressed nor entangled in constant conflict – they are just melancholy. They signed up for the marriage pact and lost a vital part of themselves in the process.
In that first post, I reviewed some of the problems that Haag diagnosed as plaguing some contemporary marriages. Here, I will go through a few of them and tell you about some of the solutions Haag learned about in her research and interviews. Remember, her goal is not to generate alternatives to marriage but alternatives within marriage that have the potential to keep the marriages together. To longtime readers of Living Single, I bet you will anticipate the conclusion I am leading up to before you get to the end of this post.
Zie ook:
- Don’t Want to Divorce? Indulge Your #Polyamory or Asexuality, Have Your Affairs, Live Apart / Bella DePaulo [US; Huffpost Books] http://alturl.com/po7ee
Americans think affairs are worse than polygamy
THE really startling numbers in the new Gallup poll (H/t Kevin Drum) searching for America’s “most controversial issues” is pretty clearly that more people find polygamy “acceptable” than extramarital affairs.
Hugh Hefner gelooft niet in monogamie [Verenigde Staten]
AMSTERDAM – Playboy-oprichter Hugh Hefner is van mening dat monogamie onnatuurlijk is. Zou dat met zijn leefomgeving te maken kunnen hebben…?
De 85-jarige Hugh, die nota bene later deze maand in het huwelijk treedt met de pas 24-jarige Crystal Harris, is echter van mening dat zijn visie geen invloed op zijn huwelijk zal hebben. “Ik ben een hele goede echtgenoot en ik kan heel trouw zijn aan iemand,” laat Hugh weten aan Bang Showbizz. “Ik denk ook wel dat monogamie mogelijk is, maar het is niet natuurlijk.”
ALP ready to debate gay marriage [Australia]
LABOR supporters have been invited to make submissions on policy, including gay marriage, for debate at the national conference in December.
The Australian Labor Party (ALP) has launched a website calling on members and individuals to suggest changes to party policy up for debate.
Gay rights advocates have urged submissions be made in support of same-sex marriage, a hot topic at this year’s ALP national conference.
(…)
The call follows polling commissioned by the group earlier this week which showed 75 per cent of Australians believe same-sex marriage is inevitable.
It also comes a day after Labor stalwart senator John Faulkner delivered a scathing review of ALP culture, urging the Government to listen to its party membership.
“I think this is a good opportunity for the party to follow what Senator Faulkner has said and go back to listening to people within the party,” Mr Greenwich said.
(…)
Meanwhile Mr Greenwich says comments by the Anglican Archbishop of Sydney Peter Jensen that allowing same-sex marriage could lead to the acceptance of polygamy and incest are “alarmist” and unfounded.
In an article in the church’s newspaper, Southern Cross, Dr Jensen wrote that having same-sex unions enshrined in the Marriage Act was an “abuse” of the tradition and could pave the way for other changes.
Natürliche Untreue – wie Affe, Schwan & Co. es mit Monogamie halten
Jessica Riccò
Untreue ist ein ganz natürlicher Vorgang – zumindest unter Tieren. Ob heimlich vor Sonnenaufgang oder ganz frivol in einer offenen Beziehung: Polygamie dient meist evolutionären Zwecken und peppt den Genpool auf. Aber auch zum Schutz der Jungen und auf der Jagd entpuppt sich Untreue als Vorteil.
„Du und niemand anders mehr. Für den Rest meines Lebens!” Monogamie ist etwas sehr Romantisches. Die Vorstellung mit einem Partner alt zu werden, wird oft als schönste und reinste Form der Liebe gesehen. Aber ist sie die natürlichste? Fest steht: In der freien Natur ist ewige Treue eine Rarität.
Seit es durch Vaterschaftstests möglich ist, den Erzeuger eines Kindes klar zu identifizieren, steht die Verhaltensbiologie Kopf. Monogame Schwäne? Fehlanzeige. Ewig treue Pinguinpärchen? Leider nicht. Welt der Wunder zeigt, wie Polygamie und Promiskuität im Tierreich weit verbreitet sind – und häufig sogar sinnvoll.
Frau Üresin und die Polygamie [Türkei]
Eine Familienberaterin gegen die ganze Türkei: Sibel Üresin redet der Vielehe das Wort – und sorgt mit ihren Thesen über das Verhältnis zwischen Frau und Mann für Aufregung. Seltsam ist auch ihr Rezept für eine gelungene Ehe.
Ein Satz, der die Türken aufregt: “Wenn ich ein Mann wäre, würde ich mir viele Frauen nehmen.” Die Frau, die den Satz gesagt hat, sieht so aus, als würde sie Aufmerksamkeit genießen. Sie trägt lackierte Lederstiefel und roten Blazer zum modischen Kopftuch – die Website der Sibel Üresin zeigt eine schicke Frau. Eine Frau, die Artikel schreibt, Seminare gibt, Lebenshilfe anbietet (“Fragen Sie Sibel”). Eine 35-Jährige, die mehrere Istanbuler Gemeinden in Sachen Ehe und Familie berät.
Seit dieser Woche auch bekannt als: Die Familienberaterin, die die Legalisierung der Vielehe fordert. Und die damit einen Sturm der Entrüstung erntet.
Polygamie überlebt noch immer
Sibel Üresin ist nicht nur fromme Muslimin, sie ist auch Verhaltenswissenschaftlerin. Sie hat herausgefunden: Männer können gar nicht anders. “Ein Mann will eine Frau für Freundschaft, Sex, Mütterlichkeit und den Haushalt”, schreibt Üresin. “Das schaffen eigentlich nur vier verschiedene Frauen.” Wenn Männer herumstreunen, dann sei das also “eine berechtigte Suche.” Vielweiberei, sagt Üresin, sei ohnehin eine Tatsache. Ihre Legalisierung bringe den Zweitfrauen und ihren unehelichen Kindern rechtlichen Schutz. Und der Koran heiße die Vielehe auch gut.
Die Äußerungen Üresins lösten eine erregte Debatte aus, sie kommen kurz nach der Veröffentlichung eines Videos, das einen Oppositionspolitiker beim Liebesspiel zeigt. Der Politiker rechtfertigte sich hernach, die Geliebte sei ihm in einer “Imam-Ehe” angetraut.
Polyamorie 